Tuesday, January 26, 2010

The Seven Most Immorally Genius iPhone Applications of All Time

While Apple's iPhone App Store has managed to pave a new market for developers looking to broadcast valuable content into the world of new media, it has also encouraged a handful of thieves to find creative ways to trick the public into buying deceptive, poorly designed, and unnecessary applications as well. The following is a list of the seven best attempts I've seen at selling iPhone applications that really don't need to exist.

7. Flashlight ($0.99)
Stuck in the dark again pal? FLASHLIGHT displays a graphic of a light bulb or a white screen… or you could just turn on your phone and use the light from that.

Second Opinion: “This app makes sneaking to get a glass of water at night a breeze.”

6. MATG ($449.99)

A ridiculously overpriced financial management system for your iPhone. The application is designed for sales reps and marketing executives allowing access to customers, statements, and sales order transactions. Since those people typically have more money than average-Joes I suppose they figured the $450.00 price tag wouldn’t be a bother. Taking into consideration that this app hasn’t sold one copy of itself since it’s release on July 15, 2008, the developers were probably wrong.

Second Opinion: N/A

5. Hold On! ($0.99)
Let me start off by saying, I found this in the “Productivity” section of the App Store. HOLD ON! is an application where you hold a digital button labeled, “Hold On” for as long as you can. There’s also a multiplayer option where you can compete with friends over the Bluetooth network. Clever.

Second Opinion: “I taped it to my face”

4. Proposal: “Will You marry me?” ($0.99)
Don’t stress over the pressure of figuring out how to pop that big question. Now, your iPhone can do it for you with a jpeg of a wedding ring and the text, “will you marry me?” You’ll certainly be the talk of the family when your sweetheart tells this romantic proposal story.

Second Opinion: “Great Idea!”

3. Massager ($0.99)
Can’t find the vibrate setting on your iPhone? Do you love the feel of a sexy smooth touch-screen coddling your skin? MASSAGER just might be the app for you; now with four vibration settings: Rising Sun, Rolling Waves, Whispering Winds, and Soothing Meadows. This application also doubles as a sex-toy if your willing to sacrifice your iPhone’s liquid damage warranty.

Second Opinion: “Who needs a man when you have this?”
- Georgia Girl 2009

2. Mirror ($0.99)

Following the spectacle of FLASHLIGHT, app developer Juice Wireless Inc. released MIRROR, an application which grants you the convenience of a picture of a mirror. Fun Fact: The mirror works better if you turn off your phone and just look into the blank reflective screen.

Second Opinion: “Mirror is a unique and simple application. No need figuring out how it works, it does one thing; it functions as a mirror.”

1. I Am Rich ($999.99)

Produced by German developer Armin Heinrich, this application serves the sole purpose of showing your friends you can afford it. The app allows you to flaunt a graphic of a red gem as the ultimate status symbol available for the iPhone. Eight users purchased Heinrich’s application before enough complaints arose to convince Apple to shut it down completely. Not to be out of the spotlight forever, Heinrich uploaded a new application entitled, “I Am Rich LE” last December for the price of 99 cents simply to be a dick, (he got it approved by adding a calculator function to the gem). Armin Heinrich to this day still holds the record for being the only developer to sell an application for the max price allowed in Apple’s App Store, $999.99, and for this he wins the number one spot for the most immorally genius iPhone application of all time.

Second Opinion
: “I got this app for $998.99 cheaper then the others!”


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