Sunday, November 8, 2009

Jack McBrayer Review

Hey, Jack McBrayer, you think you're funny and shit? You think it's cool to play the same lame character in every damn movie you're in? No. You're not funny. You don't make me laugh.

I really try to force myself to like 30 ROCK, it gets awards, lots of them, its regarded as our generation's best comedy, so it must be funny, right? I really come close to liking it sometimes too, until your fucking wacky-ass cartoon slapstick pierces my retinas with that stale routine of yours. You're not even attractive.

Just shut up Jack McBrayer. All I want, is for you to just shut up. I see on IMDB you're most recently credited as an actor in the upcoming sequel to CATS & DOGS. Wow, that should be good. What a life you've made for yourself Jacky-Boy... what a life.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Totally Top Ten: Things That Have Topped Too Many "Top 10's"

I've been inside a girl before, it's supposed to be really great and it surely is. As great as it is, I like Top 10 Lists more. They take everything good in my life and put a number on it with generally a minimum of 50% accuracy.

After spending the last 72 hours on the internet looking at Top 10's as usual, I became sick AND tired simultaneously at the repetitiveness in every Top 10 List across the spectrum of existence. As it seems, there is a standard for things that are simply better than other things. I acknowledge this and would go as far as to say I indeed agree; my problem is that this fact of nature has compromised one of my favorite entities in life and is putting a definite lifespan on the thing I love most. I sweat over a day when I'll wake up to find every thing in the world that is actually good has been pinned to a list of some sort.

To combat this, I am pulling myself out of the making of lists compiling the "Top Ten Best" of things. So what? Now you're gonna make the "Top Ten WORST" things? No stupid, that would be clique. I am however beginning a series of lists that capture "Top Tens for Alternative Reasons." Basically capturing anything that is good for any reason other than it being "good."

With that being said, I present to you my final Totally Top Ten... The Top Ten Things That Have Topped Too Many "Top 10's..."

10. Super Mario Bros. 3 (Top 10 NES Games)

Because it's profoundly good.

9. Jerry Rice (Top 10 NFL Wide Receivers)

Because he's profoundly good.

8. Look At Internet Porn/Facebook (Top 10 Things To Do Online)

Because they're profoundly good.

7. Seinfeld (Top 10 Television Sitcoms)

Because it's profoundly good.

6. Miley Cyrus (Top 10 Hottest Disney Channel Girls)

Because she's profoundly good.

5. Utahraptor (Top 10 Most Dangerous Dinosaurs)

Because it's profoundly good.

4. Pizza (Top 10 Most Delicious Foods)

Because it's profoundly good.

3. Jennifer Lopez (Top 10 Asses)

Because it's profoundly good.

2. Abbey Road (Top 10 Albums of All Time)

Because it's profoundly good.

1. Citizen Kane (Top 10 Films of All Time)

Because it's profoundly good.