Thursday, April 30, 2009

The Rise And Fall of An American Hero

Recently I was watching The Chelsea Lately show which, I don't care what you nay sayers think, I find it to be hilarious. Maybe its because she is such a bitch, maybe it is her exploitation of her resident midget Chuy. I just like it. But the thing that caught my eye was the fallen-through-the-cracks comedian Carrot Top as one of her comedic panel. Where I should have been paying attention to the commentary I couldn't help but feel uneasy. I wanted to laugh, I wanted to cry and I couldn't help but feel scared for my life.

What happened to that guy? He barely spoke the entire time, seemingly lost without his box of one-liner props. He just kept eying up Chuy like he was going to eat him. I mean, this funny man I found hilarious when I was younger is now reduced to this picture on the left.

What the shit? This isn't the happy go lucky comedian of yesteryear. This is a middle aged woman juicin' up everyday before she gets her Botox injections. VH1's special on plastic surgery pointed out the extent his eyebrows have risen over the years which leaves me having to ask why, Carrot Top? What was so wrong in your life that something out of your box-o-tricks couldn't remedy? But I don't blame you, I blame our society. We did this to you. We shunned you when you needed us, we turned our backs on your routine, we subjected you to criticism, and we forced you to take any gig you can get ala The Chelsea Lately Show.

So let me say sorry Carrot Top. I'm sorry that your face looks like you have been rubbing meat salt on it for the past decade. I'm sorry you always look like you are half surprised and half psychotic. And I'm sorry your balls are the size of peanuts due to the steroids. America owes you an apology. Just please, think of the children. You are spiraling down a path of no return. Stop yourself before it is too late. Stop before you become nothing more than this:

Scary, huh? Pictures complements of Mike Dejoy.

1 comment: