Monday, October 22, 2012


First off, I must apologize for my hiatus when it comes to my Smackdown reviews. New York Comic Con was two weeks ago and prior to that I was planning New York Comic Con for two weeks so all my Machine blogging took a hit. But if I said that Ryback's explosive rise on Raw and the Three Man Band's emergence on Smackdown has kept me in my room, cowering in the corner with a shotgun, waiting for the end of days, I think you would believe me.

So, this Sunday I caught up on all of my wrestling - with the help of TK's ever entertaining Raw Reviews ( I watched two Raw's and two Smackdown's in 5 hours, just in time to watch real sports on Sunday. I haven't even gone near the WWE's new show Main Event. I don't watch TV often, really it's only sports and WWE but the day I watch more fake sports than real sports is the I start to sit down to pee.

Speaking about the end of the world, I'm going to jump back to the Three Man Band. When I asked my roommate about an update on all of wrestling when I got home on Sunday, he said there was a new faction. I LOVE factions, and the idea that one has emerged when their was such a drought, I couldn't wait to see what it was.

Then I saw this.

I'll give it to Heath Slater. He knows that everyone hates him and he rolls with it. And I don't mean hates as in we boo him because he's a heel. I mean hate like HATE him for his annoying voice and his man boobs and we hope that he gets caught in a human size microwave on high. We want to see him dead. That's what I'm getting at. But he takes it in his stride and makes the best of it which I can respect. But I can't respect this. It's unjust, unthinkable, and unbelievable.

I get that they needed something for the three of these guys to do, but this is just degrading to not just them, but to us as well. WHY THE FUCK WOULD  JINDER BE IN A ROCK AND ROLL BAND? And when they did the air guitar thing they weren't even doing it with the timing of the music to further my long standing theory that not a single wrestler can dance. Except for the Uso's and Rikish, but they can't wrestle.

Don't watch this. It's not funny.

 Now that I got that off my chest, I have to say that the WWE is hitting a bit of a lull right now. With Raw at 3 hours, Main Event on Wednesday, and Smackdown on Friday, there just doesn't seem to be enough quality content to spread out that far. Instead of adding more quality wrestling we get more talking and less story lines that make sense. Instead we get this long drawn out heel turn from Punk, and an emphasis on how "dangerous"/overrated the Brogue Kick and the WMD are. So after catching up on all my wrestling, I felt sort of numb. Like I just ate a lot of ice but I'm still hungry. I don't doubt that the WWE will be ramping up for the push into Survivor Series, Royal Rumble, and Mania. But right now I find it hard to care which is a shame because last year around this time, I LOVED wrestling and everything they were doing.

That being said, the emergence of a real Tag Division has been a very pleasant surprise. Kane and DB continue to steal the show every time they are on the camera together. But if there has been something that could receive a fake belt for Most Improved, it would hands down be given to the Diva Division. Eve has single handily put the Diva Division on her back both in her in ring performance and out of ring performance. She is one of the best things going on in the locker room back stage and she has stepped it up when it comes to her matches.

To see a chain of holds and submission maneuvers in a Diva's match is few and far between but to hear the crowd chanting - and rightfully so - "This is awesome!" is downright unheard of. And I can't help but smile about it. Because it is so few and far between that we see someone that actually works hard AND gets the recognition for it. So Eve, listen up. We're all behind you and just keep doing what you're doing. You make everyone in the ring with you look better and you have stopped me from fast forwarding through Diva's matches. So thank you.

Now, show us your boobs.


1 comment:

  1. Excellent review, brother! How awesome is Eve?! When did this happen? I LOVE it when she has someone in that head-leg-scissors lock and then flips over and slams their head down. She's awesome. Totally agreed on the lull. While I'm excited that RAW is on tonight, I'm also overwhelmed by the prospect that my world will consist of wrestling (potentially dissatisfying wrestling) for the next six hours of my day, instead of doing much-needed homework haha. Oh and The Undertaker's wrestlmania matches are on Netflix Instant. There are some great ones. I highly recommend checking it out.