Sunday, September 9, 2012

A Smackdown Review (9/7/12)

So here we are, my first Smackdown review ever. We all know that the blue brand doesn't get much love nowadays (did it ever?) and it's especially sad due to the fact that it is in some ways, better than it's big, 3 hour long brother, Raw. *For a complete week of Future Machine wrestling goodness read A RAW REVIEW by the undisputed TK ( it's very good and probably much better than this review. S you should probably stop reading now. Continue on at your own risk.

I find myself struggling to watch the entire 3 hour Raw show now, not because it is bad but because you have to commit an entire night to it. Yes, NFL, NBA, and MLB games are usually equal in length and most humans can sit through them with no problem. But when it's a fake, sweaty, testosterone fueled soap-opera, it's hard to justify to your friends. Your family. Your girlfriend. Yourself.

Who am I joking? I watch Raw as hell. And then I go to bed dreaming of AJ slapping me in the face and sending me to anger management. I'd do anything for her I think. Like ANYTHING.

But Smackdown is the much more user friendly and manageable show. Not only do you get plenty of new story, you get a recap of EVERYTHING from Raw beaten into your face until you look like this:

PLUS, the brands have become irrelevant in terms of roster differentiating. Raw superstars bleed into Smackdown as do the story lines. I like this particularly since it makes Smackdown an ACTUAL show that can be watched. As opposed to how it was before, which was a 2 hour Raw recapping platform for new guys to get introduced and then immediately buried in the locker room. That's not to say that the show has it's ups and downs, but as a whole, Smackdown has been pretty solid.

Friday's Smackdown was an especially good episode that had just the right balance of bad story telling, funny moments, and good wrestling. The show started off on the right foot by having Roberto Rodriguez shuffle out with Alberto Del Rio cutting the best promo of his life I thought. He actually said different words other than "Destiny", "Worldheavywayshampion", and "Destiny". Instead he wanted to ban the Brogue Kick, saying that it physically and morally damaged his only friend Roberto Rodriguez. Now, I'd pay top dollar to know what morally damaged means. But I can quickly forget that and appreciate the pure genius that is Roberto Rodriguez being Alberto Del Rio's only friend. Seriously, that shit is funny.

I love getting the Brogue Kick banned. First off, I hate one hit finishers like that (see: Big Show's WMD). Unless it's Sweet Chin Music, because that shit's tight. But I'd much rather see something that I can't do being performed by WWE superstars. I can kick any body in the face. I can't Celtic Cross ANYONE. And if anything, hopefully this means we will see more of the Celtic Cross. I haven't seen one since Nam' it feels. White Noise is fine, but the Celtic Cross is where the money is. Plus, banning the move adds a sort of danger/prestige to the move. Like Hell's Gate.When Taker whips that move out, you know someone's gonna die. Though I doubt that the Brogue Kick will be banned for long.

As a side note, as I Brogue Kick the fourth wall right to the face, I think it's hilarious when Booker T comes out to confront Del Rio about how talking about the Brogue Kick was a confidential matter between them and that Del Rio shouldn't come out and talk about it. Like the GM of Smackdown has no clue that Del Rio is in the middle of the ring talking for ten minutes before he realizes the show started. What's he doing in his arbitrary "office" with no desk or computer since they spent their fake budget on posters of their PPV's and video games? Probably trying to forget this:

Moving on to the Sin Cara, Mysterio, Miz, and Cody Rhodes match. The pairing of Sin Cara with Mysterio is the best thing for everyone. They should make a Botch Belt and put it on Sin Cara ASAP. But hopefully Rey can school the kid right quick, because Mysterio's days are number I think. When you have to start wearing a shirt with fake muscles stitched into it, you're getting fat.

 Plus, it's good to see Cody Rhodes fighting the bulldozers that are trying to bury him. He and the Miz are two of the most talented superstars on the entire WWE roster and they are very much the future of the company. It just seems like they are stuck trying to stay relevant while the company spends all their energy on promoting the Funkasaurus. Luckily that seems to have passed for the most part. But that hulking, flapping, dancing mass is ever looming in the shadows...

And the topic of the team of Sin Cara and Mysterio is a nice segue into my next thought, which is the stereotypes of the WWE. I don't necessarily mean it in a bad way, but if you're even a hint Mexican, Spanish or Puerto Rican, you are MEXICAN and or a luchador. If you're African American, you are BLACK and if you are a midget, you are a leprechaun. I guess that it is easier for the general (moronic) audience of American to watch cookie cutter caricatures of the many different cultures of our great country. I just feel bad for Hornswoggle. The guy has made a career out of wearing green and bouncing around the ring like an idiot. But hey, he is sharing air time with Daniel Brian in a segment that revisits the incredible hugging incident on Monday night. I mean, having Daniel Bryan in the ring with Kane and a ref so that they can hug it out is pure comedic genius. That is wrestling at it's best. THEY NEEDED A REF TO HUG.

My favorite part of the show was Damien Sandow getting a very long match in with Randy Orton while Dolph Ziggler (MY DOOD) on commentary. I know that the WWE is getting ready to push Sandow pretty hard in the foreseeable future. But giving him a lengthy match with the Apex Predator like this, just shows that the guy is not only ready for the show, but he can handle it right now. Sandow is going to be huge. His schtick is killer, his look is great, and his wrestling is top notch. Plus he sold an RKO for the ages of Friday.It looked a bit something like this:

Speaking of selling it, I think Zack Ryder can sell the shit out of anything. He's second only to Dolph Ziggler in my book. And he's been relegated to selling everyone else's moves and careers while he is slowly forgotten. Remember last year around this time? Ryder was HUGE on his way to the USA Championship. Now we only get Zack Ryder when someone needs to kick the snot out of someone. And by someone I mean Kane or Daniel Bryan. Though I can't wait for the day that Kane and DB become an unstoppable tag machine that uses Zack Ryder to beat Brodus Clay to death.

They would be a great addition to the tag division that would actually have a real story as to how they became a team. Not just because they are both black, masked, buried, or black. I love the Primetime players but they are getting slightly stale. I wish the WWE would pull the trigger and make them champs so that Kaniel Brane can rape them for the title.

Now my only complaint from Smackdown is the way that Wade Barrett returned. Before he was injured, Wade was a rising superstar and one of the best heels they had. He was constantly in title contention and was sure to win a belt before long. So you would think that when he returned it would be a big deal and he would be somewhere  near where he was before on the card. Instead, the WWE wasted the incredible promos they made by having Wade return to fight Yoshi Tatsu. What a shame and what a waste. I can't even qualify it as a squash match because Yoshi kicked out of a cover at one point. Luckily they gave Wade the mic after the match but the guy is one of the best superstars on the mic, therefore he should have come back with a mic in hand. And then punched Yoshi's head off. I really thought he would come back with a new schtick like the WMD or something but alas, his new finisher is an elbow from the arsenal of the Barrett Baaarrawge!

So Smackdown ended with Sheamus in a match with Otunga which was fine. It's good to have Otunga back because that guy is fucking HUGE. And I'm happy that the Brogue Kick was deemed illegal so now it is special when we get it. Though it'll probably be overturned by AJ on Monday. Because Sheamus was starting to feel a little boring, especially when the Brogue Kick is the end game, ALWAYS.

Now, when we get a Brogue Kick, Michael Cole can shout, "Vintage Sheamus!"


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